On a fine spring day, a philosopher went for a walk in the
country. As he contemplated the quaint
farms and basked in the warm sunshine, his mind relaxed and he forgot the cares
and strains of university life. He
considered that a rural setting would be an excellent location in which to
think his philosophical thoughts and, should he happen upon a farm that was for
sale, he would buy it.
As always happens in these stories, the philosopher
immediately thereafter encountered a farm with a For Sale sign staked in the
yard. Gazing beyond the farmhouse, the philosopher saw a beautiful apple
orchard on one side of the property, and an ugly pig sty on the other side.
Struck by the philosophical implications of the dichotomy, the philosopher
walked onto the porch and rang the doorbell. The door opened and he was
confronted by an ancient farmer who explained his operation. “It’s basically a
pig farm,” he said. “But we feed the apples to the pigs to hold down feed
costs.” Eager to cast apples before swine, the philosopher made an offer on the
farm. He learned quickly that the farmer was of the Hegelian bent and the price
was therefore non-negotiable. But the
philosopher was flush with cash, having recently been granted tenure, and
happily paid the asking price.
Time passed. The farmer settled comfortably into retirement
and began attending classes at the university.
One day he decided to drive out to his old farm and check on the
philosopher’s agrarian progress. As he turned into the yard, he could see the
philosopher in the apple orchard, engaged in an activity and surrounded by
several pigs. The farmer walked down to
the orchard and, as he drew nearer, he saw that the philosopher had propped a tall
ladder against one of the apple trees.
The philosopher was standing on the ladder, holding a pig up to a branch
of the tree, and allowing the pig to eat an apple. After the pig had eaten the apple, the
philosopher climbed down the ladder, placed the pig on the ground, and picked
up another pig. He then ascended the ladder, held the pig up to a branch, and
allowed it to eat an apple. As the farmer watched, the process was repeated
several times until all of the pigs had been fed.
The farmer stepped forward and cleared his throat to get the
philosopher’s attention. “Excuse me,” the farmer said, “but isn’t that a very
time-consuming way to feed your pigs?”
The philosopher turned to the farmer with a warm and
peaceful smile. “Perhaps,” he said. “But what is time to a pig?”